Why the Blah?

There is nothing a solitary spirit desires more than affection.  I don’t have it…I am lost, I am broken, I am in a funk that cannot be affected and I am struggling to keep going…but I know that out there, somewhere, anywhere, is someone I can love and who will love me.  She will be my everything, my universe, my panacea.  I want her here now.  I want to be hers.  I want her to be mine.  I want to hold her in my arms and adore her without condition.  No matter this frail existence’s tremulous and turbulent waters, I want us to find solace in the fact that we will always sail on together…sometimes drifting.  

I don’t know when she will arrive.  I pray to god that it will be soon.  Faith is tricky though.  It requires not only belief in something external, but something internal as well.  In order to believe in God and his timing, I have to believe in myself.  I have to believe in my eternal worth and that what I feel, at times, to be a withered shell of a soul was,  in actuality, a beacon forged in the cosmos—unending  light.  If I believe I have a purpose, than I believe that God created me with a reason…if I believe God created me for a reason, I can trust that he knows how to navigate the treacherous shoals until I arrive at the desired port.  

Maybe my purpose is not to be adored and loved by my eternal ally at age 25.  Maybe it is.  Maybe the girl I am hoping will call me right now has not even given me a single, brief musing this entire day, or maybe the same frenetic anxieties have enveloped her mind as well. Maybe I am destined to walk this world alone a little longer…or a lot longer…but maybe not.  I forge my own path, but God knows best what shape my journey should take and when the turning points will manifest.   With his help I can navigate this or any nexus in my life.  My trust in him keeps me going because I know that, eventually, he will lead me through the siren’s song—in whatever form it takes—to my Portia.