A few days ago, a friend shared this meme thing on his Facebook page and prompted me to reconsider the age old question, "Do nice guys really finish last?" Here are 20 reasons why they do!!! (Note that this is why they finish last in terms of winning girl's affections, not why they bring up the rear in life in general...that would be a much longer list)
1. We care too much about how you feel. Spending too much time wondering what a girl is thinking leads to inaction. While we wonder if you actually want to go on another date or not, Joe Schmo is already asking you on your fifth. (Girls, maybe you shouldn't be so nice either and should tell Mr. Schmo you just aren't interested)
2. We put everything we have into a relationship and making our lady happy, so when it doesn't work out, we have a hard time recovering and putting ourselves out there again. We have a lot in common with investor guy who jumps off a building when the stock market crashes.
3. Safe and practical doesn't equate to sexy. Do you want a Honda or a Lamborghini? Neither, you chose the guy on a motorcycle.
4. Often times, nice is the only thing we have going for us...we are also ugly and poor. If perennial nice guy and all-around stud James Marsden (X-Men, Superman Returns, Enchanted, The Notebook) is repeatedly jilted, what chance do us mere mortals have?
5. Jerry Magiuire was right, we live in a cynical world. Nice guys can't do their thing and be kind to a girl without her thinking there are ulterior motives. Can't we just be nice to you for sake of being nice? And if it somehow leads to you planting one on our lips, so be it...
6. If a dame we are interested in knows us well enough to be aware of our propensity for niceness, she thinks anything we do for her is just our personality and not part of some maniacal plot to make her feel incredibly special.
7. We literally do finish last...when was the last time a nice guy won a race?
8. How many times have you heard a girl say, "I am tired of dating jerks"? On the other hand, how many times have you actually seen her date a guy who treats her like a queen and who understands her feelings? Sometimes you lady folk are like the person who says they are tired of things in life that aren't real, and then goes on a dive searching for the Loch Ness Monster. (Alright, such a person does not exist...but you get my point, right?)
9. Humility, a hallmark of the nice guy, can sometimes be perceived as a lack of confidence. We like ourselves, we just don't want you to know that.
10. At times we struggle at taking the initiative. We can be so overtly cognitive if your feelings that we do not want to cause you pain that could come from having to tell us you aren't interested or that you are dating Jo Schmo (again, why are you still dating him?)
11. Often, we fail to meet girls in the first place because we don't take the Beastie Boys advice to fight for our right to party. Instead, we fight for your right to vote. (That's happened already, huh?) We fight for your right to abort. (That's happened too?!?) We fight for your right to fight in the army. (I gotcha there didn't I? No??? Gosh darn it all) We fight for your right to emotionally eat. (There, something we can both agree on)
12. Nice guys often sacrifice our lives to save others, and the trait is slowly being bred out of society. If you are about to get hit by a moving vehicle, we push you out of the way and are hit instead. If there is a live grenade on the ground, we smother it with our body. If you are given a free ticket to a Neil Diamond concert, we offer to take the ticket instead. In other words, we don't pass Darwin's survival of the fittest test. Girl's don't naturally select us, why would Mother Nature be any different?
13. Sometimes we write blogs about our feelings instead of going on dates.
14. Many girls are suffering from "Disney Princess Syndrome" and are waiting for their prince to come rescue them without them having to do anything in terms of putting themselves out there in the dating world. Nice guys wait for a girl to give a sign that romantic feelings are reciprocated before they act on them. On a separate note, props to Disney for their new line of Princesses that take the initiative and fight for themselves (Tiana, Rapunzel, Merida). On another separate but related note, maybe nice guy's propensity for being too into Disney movies is a turn off?
15. It is in the Bible. See Job.
16. Nice guys are notorious people pleasers. We don't want to make one girl feel bad, so we often unintentionally lead a bunch of girls on rather focus on just one they are interested in. Nice guys don't gamble, but if we did, we would naively put one mark down on every number on the craps table and eventually lose all our chips.
17. All too often we accidentally take the fork in the road that leads to the "Friend Zone" rather than to the "Relationship Zone." Navigating through the world of dating games is tough for us amiable gentlemen.
18. We are too emotional. Girls want a shoulder to cry on, not a shoulder to cry with. For example, we don't like chick flicks because we often identify with the female lead more than you do...
19. On a related note, nice guys are usually cheery people, and there is a reason happy is synonymous with gay...some girls, in fact, believe we play for the wrong team...
20. We spend so much time pondering why we constantly finish last that we fail to realize that other guys, like Joe Schmo, have solved this puzzle, are dating a cute girl, and are nice to boot! (Ahh, that's why you are still dating him)
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